Gratitude is not a passive response to something we have been given; gratitude arises from paying attention,from being awake in the presence of everything that lives within and without us.
— David Whyte
I found this quote in a beautiful newsletter here on Substack about roses and a poem by Mary Oliver about love and loss (Gather Ye Rosebuds by Diana Butler Bass), and it spoke to me on a soul level because I’ve always had a hard time with the spiritual language in and out of manifestation and witchcraft that’s all about “practicing gratitude”. Because, in a way, what I was raised to see gratitude as was the passive response to something we have been given. And when what you have been given is not great, then it becomes complicated. I’ve never meant for this newsletter to become a word-vomit trauma-dump about my divorce and toxic family of origin, whom I love in the kind of resigned way in which you accept things you cannot change because you had 30 years of bonding but really if they can be kept at a distance it’s best for everyone because that lot, they all need therapy.
But this is a newsletter about the ins and outs of life as a cosmic witch, and I am committed to insightful vulnerability, and this is Cancer season, which comes with the double whammy of being the sign ruling the 4th house and the sign ruling my 9th house. And Cancer itself is the sign ruled by the Moon, and, of course, since I’m a Capricorn Sun, and almost every planet under it (omg, a combustion pun, I know…) too, it’s the sign opposite me on the axis. So Cancer energy is a big deal for me even before you throw into the mix all of the Cancers in my life, fictional and otherwise.
But despite my scattered squiggly brain, let’s take things in somewhat of a rational order. Cancer can be a hard energy to work with for many, because a lot of content in astrology boils it down to two things: emotions and family. And emotions run quite high in many families. However, it is ultimately about tending to our own inner home, and while that’s a challenge for many, it can be less of a challenge to wrap your head around when you are in circumstances that don’t appear conducive to the other interpretations. Unless you are an XNTX in Myers-Briggs terms, in which case it’s possible you’ll just hate the whole thing regardless.
The biggest thing for me, however, is that, being the fourth sign in the Zodiac, we are moving from mutable to cardinal, and cardinal water while at that. It’s arguably the tougher element to handle in that modality. While mutable signs are signs of transition, and by their nature they exist in a space of possibilities, cardinal signs are the initiators. All of the angles coincide with the cusp of a cardinal house. In the case of Cancer it’s the Imum Caeli (IC), from the Latin for the bottom of the sky. As Chani Nicholas put it, it represents “a symbolic Midnight, the low point in the Sun's journey beneath the Earth from our point of view. It represents family, roots, ancestors, home, and foundations.” If you are into ancestral work, Cancer season is a good time like the more obvious Scorpio one.
Life as a Scorpio Moon
I’m more of a nomad at heart, and have never truly felt a need for a tangible home. I could live in a hotel room, because to me “home is where the heart is”, and the heart is with the people. I’m a IV House Aquarius, which means I tend to feel more strongly about my chosen family than I am my family of origin, and that could be part of why the breakdown of my marriage has been as hard as it has. Especially how I never felt seen or welcome by my ex’s family, and in many ways by him since I had this unconscious pressure to comform to their expectations because he, in pure Cancer fashion, was attached to their ways and despite paying lip service to putting our new family first, he never has.
When you add to that the fact Cancer for me then falls in the Sagittarian IX House, one wonders why I ever thought I was fit for a life partner, although I expect my friends will boink me over text message for saying this. I saw an interesting take in Astrology Twitter a while back, and it was that the IX house shows where we are a leader of something, or a particular niche or hobby or spiritual gift. It feels somewhat apt when I remember I am good at being the mother hen of a friend group, going so far as to rescue stranded young people whose trains have been cancelled after a night out. People have always said of me that they think I’d make a good mother, although I have my doubts. A good mummy domme, maybe.
But I am good at holding space for people’s emotions, and I guess that comes across as maternal in all archetypes across cultures. And that’s something I don’t know if I truly resonate with. Take a look at any man in the spirituality space that you can reasonably consider an example of healthy masculinity (it’s not everyone, I know, and we never see the full story either, I know) and you will find them holding space for people’s emotions too. I hope someone tells them they’d make good dads just as readily as we dish out that compliment to women, because the truth is, it’s the bare minimum of being human.
This new astrological season also falls in a season of Retrogrades. We’ve had Pluto return to Capricorn, Saturn stationed in Pisces two days ago, and we’ll have the shadow of Venus retrograde up until Leo season. Mercury isn’t going backwards for a while still, so you can breathe easily there. Neptune will be retrograde again at the end of the month, and there will be more to come at the end of the summer. The second half of 2023 we will be going inwards
What strikes me the most is how much water energy is involved in this, especially Saturn and Neptune (which is in its home sign) being retrograde together. If you, like me, have some deep healing to do, the stars have aligned for it, and chances are you are doing better than you think. At least, that’s what I tell myself when I go through hours long crying spells in between naps.
My invitation to you this Cancer season is to become the idealised mother that you need right now, whether you had an emotionally available one or you need to reparent yourself. Make yourself a comfortable home for your emotions, like an oyster holding a pearl. They are that precious.
What I’ve been loving this month
📚 I haven’t got the full book yet, but I’m looking forward to reading “The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control: a path to peace and power” (affiliate link)
Read an excerpt on trusting yourself here
🎧 A deep dive into Hecate and the goddesses of the Greek pantheon, including what I believe is a re-share of an older episode for the Summer Solstice if you need a ritual to kick the season off.
Keeping Her Keys Podcast (Spotify)
📺 Rosé All Day, a beautiful exploration of the life of a group of college friends as they grow over the years and discover that shared memories may not be enough to keep relationships alive.
Watch it free on Freeve (Amazon)
🥘 Looking forward to trying this when my shopping comes tomorrow Braised Korean Chicken Soy Ginger Lemon Sauce from Kimchimari
🖤 The lovely Dana who was a guest on Starry Sky S2 is running a workshop series to prepare for Venus Retrograde and I’m so excited.
What’s been happening in my world
Not a lot. I was ill for a while so I’m not finished with the photography workshop I mentioned last month. I’ve been pitching a documentary series all over the place, and I’m documenting the manifestation journey in S3 of Starry Sky because nobody is ever open about being in the eye of the storm. You can find me on all platforms, including Spotify and Apple.
You can also find more content about personal branding and empowerment on my blog.